Svejk

Svejk was born in a dirt hut that he built with his own hands. Interested in both Archery and medicine, he combined the two in an innovative practice of mid- to long-distance surgery. It was hard, strenuous business; he had to dig in his heels and continue to plow/plough through patients in need or the homeless, despite high infection rates, organ-misplacement rates, monthly rent rates, and death rates.

He was hired as a ship doctor on a passage of Pilgrims to a new homeland. There were no survivors, but Svejk became quite skilled at archery as he had so much one-on-one practice. He decided to take their religious text, but unable to read it, he sought for a literate translator.

On land, the first person he met was a dashing young military officer. Svejk asked him to read the text. "Sure," he said.

"It says that you must go to the liquidation office, which is in charge of liquidating bureaucratic departments. Their first divine order of command is to liquidate the liquidation office."

Svejk carried through, but the bureaucrats were unable to carry out the request, because once the office liquidation was approved there was no one to complete the liquidation, so the office remained unliquidated, so it carried out the authorization of its liquidation, which it again could not complete.

Returning to the dashing young officer, Svejk asked him the solution to the problem. But he was too busy translating the text into a language he had invented. He was simultaneously inventing the language.

"It's beautiful, really. It's a language that maximizes ambiguity, so that each syllable can really refer to hundreds of different things. The more commonly used words have even more reduction than others."

Svejk was captivated by this young military officer. He knew this man was going places.

He swore to follow his new master - who would become General Aranethon - to the ends of the Earth.

Aranethon lifted his hand to scratch his nose, and Svejk took this as a signal. Seeing a village in the direction indicated, he proceeded to perform emergency lobotomies on each villager that did not worship Aranethon.

Aranethon saw this, and simultaneously added a third task: while translating the text to his own language and creating his own language, he was also creating the sign language of his own language, which was even more ambiguous than the spoken form, only consisting of raising his arm or raising his sword.